Things I’ve needed to say for a long time.
I hate not getting to see you everyday. And I’m jealous of the people who do. You were amazing and real. You were beautiful and perfect. You were my second mommy. And no one will ever understand how much I miss you every single day. I always told you my boyfriend stuff. And now I have so many things I wanna tell you, and you’re not here. I went and sat in your closet the other day. It still smells like your perfume, ‘light blue’. And I saw all the toe rings you used to wear. It made me cry. Cleaning out your closet may have been the second hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. The first was holding your lifeless hand on November 9th 2009 at 7:31 that morning when we said our last prayer over you before the nurse came in and cleaned you up to take you to the funeral home.
Life without you definitly isn’t what I thought it’d be. It’s a lot more hard knowing I won’t see you on the front porch when I walk home from school. Or at our family dinners. Or at my soccer games. Or at my orchestra concerts. Or driving me to the football games. Or walking next to me at the race for the cure. Or after Christmas shopping. Or on Black Friday. Or on my birthday. Or just sitting in my living room chattin’ it up with Tim Terry and Tamara. I remember how much you never liked Chinese food. And how you called me a Drama Queen. And your laugh. Your laugh was definitly my favorite thing to hear. You always teased me. But it was encouraging. You scolded me. Because you loved me. I knew you cared. Because you were the best at showing it. You bought me my first pair of heels. Also known as my favorite shoes ever. You knew what I liked and what I didn’t like. I spent just as much time at your house as I did at mine. We had matching Cedar Point hoodies. And we had matching bracelets. We were close, and that’s why it’s so hard to grasp that you’re gone.
I’ll never ever forget you. Because I honestly do think of you every single day. I can’t believe it’s been a year and a half since I kissed your forehead and you smiled up at me for the last time. It still feels like you’re just in Texas getting chemo and you’ve been there for a while. Keep watching over me. I need you, my beautiful guardian angel. I love and miss you. Rest in Peace, Aunt Nancy. <3
I’m gonna miss Ryan so much.
Sara leaves soon too.
My mom will NEVER understand me.
School needs to be over soon.
I hate AP and am not looking forward to testing next week.
I can’t wait for the next two Saturday nights. :)
I need summer now.
I’m kinda sleepy.
Some of my friends or just one are too moody for me to handle.
I hate that Ryan and all the seniors are leaving at the same time. it’s gonna be so weird without them.
I reeeeeally don’t wanna have a concert tomorrow.
I forgot to do my guided readings.
I hope I get my Art History project back. I wanna know what I got.
Going to talk to that boy now. Night Tumblrs. :)
I couldn’t agree with Kalli Ashford’s last post more.
Today was so good. :) Friday’s 4 months and Beau’s coming over. Yessssss. <3 I’m gonna go to bed now. Super sleepy. Niighht kids. :)
I have the greatest friends in the world. And even though I’m off the soccer team and I don’t have my phone, my life is still great. I have absolutely no reason to complain. I’m gonna grow up and accept that it’s my fault I have bad grades and it’s up to me to fix them. I’m giving it all to God. He’s blessed me with so many great people and things in my life that I know he can help me fix this. He’s gotta plan. I just gotta comply to it.
Fightinggggggg with myself.
Usually everyday is a good day in my book. But lately it seems like I’m always in a bad mood, and everyday, everyone and everything pisses me off. Ugh. I hate not being happy. But I can’t shake this. So much has been taken away, but nothing good fills it’s place. It’s a lot to deal with. I’m not even looking forward to my 16th birthday anymore. Because frankly, right now life sucks.
Love me some Jordan Elizabeth Kreiser. Forever. <3
Loooooooove my boy.
“that’s Nicole, that’s Abby, that’s Morgan, and that’s-“
“wait, Morgan? So your Beau’s?”
“yes ma’am, I am.”
“yes ma’am, she’s mine.”
Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
I can’t even begin to imagine my life without Hannah Kay Hart. She’s my best friend. And I can’t wait to spend all wekend with my favorite people on the planet at HUT. No cell phone for this weekend, and I’m honestly kind of excited about not having it. Because then I won’t hear any crap from you. A break from you is really what I need right now.
I Want to Hold Your Hand is my new favorite song. And I could watch the movie Flushed Away over and over again until my life was over.
OH! and I get to see Beau in 5 days! :)
My bee eff eff’s
So I’m at my house with Emily Katie and Maddie. And we’re having an awesome time with our GLEE MARATHON. Yay. Glee rocks. :)